Response to: The Scourge of Youth

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Facebook, Myspace, and Texting or the Scourge of Youth

Ah, technology. Never have people felt so near and yet so far away, thanks to the advent of the internet and cell phones and their wide availability and relative cheapness to the average consumer. However, there's something wrong with this whole scenario of connection and social networking that bothers me. I'm going to try and put my finger on it.

Maybe starting with a scenario would be good:

1. Text Angst = Waste of Mental Energy

So, I met a guy one St. Patrick's day and we hit it off. What a thrill, right? We exchanged numbers and enjoyed a couple days wandering around the city. After this real life, in-person relationship had expired, the more fruitful texting relationship started. Texting is designed for short attention spans, a quick glance in a meeting or between boarding a bus or subway car. The texts were often one-liners, witty quips and back and forths. A Saturday out on the town would prompt me to text him an innocent, "What are you up to tonight?" While I would do this, fighting off the warnings of my girlfriends to "play it cool" he would take his fine time responding. A text received at 2am saying, "Drankin." would prompt my friends to shake their heads. "Anytime after 2am is a pure booty call." What? Bars close at 4am in this here town, maybe it was just an invite?

More confusing then these unwritten rules of texting, was the cool and delayed responses I would receive from my correspondent. Texts are perhaps the laziest form of communication and if someone who you are supposedly "hanging out with" (the ambiguity of relationship terminology these days is the subject of another post entirely) can't muster a one or two word response, what hope is there for communication? Lastly, the angst these pauses would throw me into were unwarranted for the supposedly rational human being I take myself for. "Why oh why has he not texted me?" I would fret, it's been over a day. I would time the relative intervals of text exchanges. If he wrote 3 hours ago, is it necessary for me to respond, or at this point should I just ignore him until tomorrow.

Texting is illogical, apathetic, and doesn't amount to communication but rather a waste of mental energy. When you could be enjoying yourself out having drinks with friends, instead you flip open that obnoxious cell phone at every possible moment to check for an inevitably ineloquent response in three or four words, badly misspelled and reliably noncommittal.


2. Facebook Stalking = Waste of Time & Get in Line

Ah, when you have yet to exchange a number or even a glance, in the flesh, with your crush, Facebook is a convenient outlet for your romantic restlessness. A quick advanced search with name and location, if you should be so lucky to have these pieces of information, can whittle down the thousand plus search results into your crush him/herself. Then, if you are lucky enough (luck is very big in technology's supposedly staid support of modern stalking) their profile will be public. But if not, it's not the biggest embarrassment to friend them in order to view their profile. After all, people accept friend requests from strangers every day. It's de rigeur in this world where the number of friends you have online amounts to your relative worth as a person.

Once gaining access to their profile, you can learn their age, sex, and location, which you are probably well aware. More appealing is their relationship status, their many albums of drunken evenings and artsy shots taken with their overpriced MacBooks, lastly, you have access to the many inside jokes posted on their "wall" including messages from mom (because now Facebook is open to everyone) and cryptic messages from girls they met at parties ("Remember Me?"). Yuck, you think to yourself, I will never be that desperate person reaching out on Facebook to someone who most likely does NOT remember me. Instead, when you look at the clock, you will realize you've spent the last three hours obsessively paging through his Facebook albums and reassuring yourself that he has a lot more going for himself than the ability to do kegstands for 10 minutes.

Facebook, I will posit, is a classier joint than MySpace. And when it was closed to only college students, whatever you say of the elitism of this, it had a certain security attached to it. But now, Facebook has turned into a great outlet for the stalking lurker, who will sift through pages of inconsequential photos of their significant distraction rather than calling (since most FB profiles list all vital details, down to a person's address) or, shocking of all, interacting with them in real life.

3. MySpace = Ultimate Miscommunication

Last of all there is MySpace, which has to be the most populist platform for social networking, which is a grand euphemism for social disconnection and networking. Myspace is great when you want to listen to that song you've had in your head from days from the as of yet unsigned band you saw in a darkly lit room last night. However, MySpace is consistently one of the bigger blows to successful relationship building on any level due to its atrocious aesthetic and ability to view people's innermost and crudest thoughts.

Case in point, a one night stand prompts one girl to search out her guy on MySpace only to discover that under "Heroes" he's listed "Melanie, the love of my life" and is listed as "married". Is it better to figure out these crucial facts in the darkness of your home office or in person, I will leave that to the reader to decide.

Facebook stalking and MySpace stalking are borne of the same impulse, but MySpace somehow manages to unleash the less appealing sides of a person's nature. Not only will you find out all their sexual exploits and who they admire, you'll also learn that they have been unemployed for five years and one of their top friends is "Oriental Massage".

So, the above are a few examples of how social networking tools are actually tools for distancing and isolating people, in fact social alienating tools. There are many examples, and I encourage others to submit or comment on their own experiences in stunted communication via the supposed sophistication of today's communication tools.

A few more I can think of. The inherent delay and "talking over" each other that occurs in chat conversations.

me: I saw that the other night and though it was....
him: But I order pizza instead.
me: excellent. I mean so important.
him: Then I thought of you and...
me: I also love pizza.
him: I miss you. Do you miss me.

Agh, that doesn't even begin to encapsulate the level of mediocrity and profundity that takes place in a chat. Also the lack of inflection, the ins and outs of wifi connection. Sometimes it's just easier to send a letter because that's a one-sided conversation and the person is forced to "listen". That is if they can read.

The Art of the Mixtape

This subject is dead for a number of reasons. One, tapes are rarely listened to any more. Two, even CDs are near obsolete. And thirdly, aside from the advent of and tyranny of personal mp3 players and compressed bits of music, this subject has been treated with a great amount of writing, from Nick Hornby's High Fidelity to a number of indie-pop enthusiasts own blogs.

However, I am here to hail that the art of the mix has not been lost. And follows is a personal narrative of my own decision to build a compilation for a significant boy far, far away. In doing so, I learned how a mix (in this case on a CD) can be both personal, distant, and, lastly, largely about the person making it moreso than the receiver of the mix. However, these days, it can serve a more genuine emotional purpose than a well written letter.



I. Why

So, the first reason for making a mixtape is because there's someone who you feel deserves a mixtape. In my case, I'd met a sweet boy during my travels and only later discovered he liked me. I then felt it was appropriate for me to transfer all the songs I listened to that made me yearn in some way, to the yearning I felt for a plane ticket to go see him again. Having only an address and no money for a ticket, I set to making a mixtape. Of course, I am one of those people who walks around with an iPod wherever they go. Thus, my music collection is largely digital (though I do boast a nice collection of vinyl, if I do so defend myself). So, I paged through my iTunes and put together 19 songs that I thought were well suited to the mood I was in when I thought of him. Then I arranged them in an order that didn't create any large leaps in mood but rather a gradual crescendo. Before going into the specific song choices, I would like to defend the mixtape/CD as a form of communication superior to others.

One, I should start by saying I am a letter writer. I write letters in LONGHAND and actually mail and send them to people, wherever they may be in the world. It doesn't matter if I have two dollars in my bank account, I will go out of my way to buy a two dollar stamp so that two page letter can get to Caitlin in Taiwan, or Hanna in Berlin. That being said, there are times when a letter doesn't cut it, or calls for a supplement to the words on the page. We all know there are limits to what language can express, and certainly when it comes to emotions, music can fill this void well.

My letters are often accompanied by CDs. I will rarely send a CD without a letter, though I have done this from time to time. But the reason the mix is in there, is because it has a longer lasting purpose than a letter. Sure, someone might walk around with the ideas or stories you wrote in a letter, but a mix of music is expansive. Someone can play it at different times, and in different places. They songs will get caught in their head, and they'll hum to them or perhaps share them with others. Music is personal in that the messages contained in the lyrics usually have somewhat of a relevance to the person you sent it too, but it also has an emotional component that can't be controlled. Anytime someone listens to a song, their interpretation of it will be as unique as they are as an individual. The chords, melody, lyrics, sound of the singer's voice, will all strike them in a way that the sender can't control.

This creates the big risk in sending a mix as well. There's a possibility that the Tom Waits song that saved your life more than once will drive the recipient of the mix crazy. They will always skip this track, and excuse it when it accidentally comes on at parties. That is, if they enjoy your mix enough to play it at a party.

But the positives of making a mix usually outweigh the negative risks. At its best, a mix of music will introduce someone to something new in the context of the thought of you. I am not hiding the fact that all aspects of mixtape making are generally subjective and certainly selfish. Basically, a mix says, here's some music I like, now like me even more.


II. What

My mix CD wasn't that tricky, because I've been listening to a lot of music on repeat this summer. When I got back in touch with said boy, I kind of transferred, as I mentioned, these musical moments of nostalgia to him. That being said, I did pull out a few dead ringers, or code for, I REALLY LIKE YOU.

Below follows my mix list:


Tex Ritter - Cigarettes, Whiskey & Wild, Wild Women
Hurdy Gurdy Man Donovan
Satellite Of Love 3:42 Lou Reed
Chelsea Hotel No. 2 3:07 Leonard Cohen
The Tide That Left And Never Came Back 3:09 The Veils
A Century of Fakers 4:32 Belle & Sebastian
Midnight Cowboy 2:43 Harry Nilsson
Baby, Let Me Follow You Down 2:36 Bob Dylan
Time is on my Side 2:58 The Rolling Stones
America. 3:36 Simon and Garfunkel
Tennessee 4:10 Silver Jews
There Is A Light That Never Goes Out 4:03 The Smiths
Telephone Call From Istanbul 3:12 Tom Waits
You Beat Me to the Punch - Mary Wells
no name #2 3:35 elliot smith
You Love Me 4:02 DeVotchKa
Elephant gun 5:49 Beirut
You Shook Me All Night Long 3:30 AC/DC
All I Want 3:34 Joni Mitchell

Then, I usually proceed to play this mix to myself on repeat for a couple days before sending it.

That being said, just as there are limits to words in a letter, there are limits to making a mix tape. One, you yourself have only been exposed to so much music. You are working within your own collection of tastes, and invariably your mix will reflect said taste. Actually, mixtapes seem to have taken off so well starting in the late 70s because we entered a cultural moment where social interaction became based on what you like rather than who you are. This tradition continues today. Faced with a world where other values, such as religion and social status, have become more fluid, an entire generation of young people have formed their relationships with people who listen to, watch, and consume the same media they do. Just think of myspace or facebook. These are two "social networking" sites that rely on people profiling who they are via the books, TV, movies, and music they like.

Also, pop music ( the main idiom through which mixtapes are built) is overwhelming about love. So, even if you are making a mixtape for a platonic friend or family member, it is unlikely that it won't include a couple of love songs. But that's also the beauty of music, it becomes a metaphor for other things. "I'm just dyin' in your arms tonight" can mean something other than what the literal words mean.

With that thought, I encourage everyone to compile a mix something (tape, CD, whatever) and give it to someone you love or like or whatever. Because words just aren't enough, and they never will be.

Welcome!

This is a new attempt at expressing and interpreting all the thoughts that bounce around my head on a daily basis. Welcome!